Tuesday, November 15, 2005

  1. I am extremely self-conscious. It's hard for me to do anything or write anything without constantly wondering what (if anything) people are thinking about me. I worry that I expose too much when I write my blog. That's why I write my blog. It's a sort of (really cheap) therapy.
  2. I'm a messy person. Somewhere buried beneath the blue eyed gene and the Flintstone Feet gene, I have the gene for always making a mess, wherever I go. I do battle with it daily. Or I would, if I weren't so lazy.
  3. According to the charts and guides, I weigh WAY too much. This is fucking ridiculous. I weigh only slightly more than I feel comfortable weighing. I still don't feel comfortable saying it out loud.
  4. I've never owned a bathroom scale. I go by looks. I can't tell if this makes me neurotic or really smart. I vote for the latter.
  5. I read A LOT of books. I go through roughly 3 books a week when I'm committed and have found good books. Don't believe my "Reading" headline. I couldn't possibly change it fast enough.
  6. Sometimes, I get so lost in the world(s) of my book(s) that I start to get really stressed out. Then I have to put the books down for a while, and clean the house. This usually happens about once every three weeks.
  7. Sometimes, I'm a dirty person. "Oooh," I can hear you saying, "Here comes the good part!" No, not that way. I never shower two days in a row, unless I somehow schedule it wrong and won't have access to a shower for more than 3 days. Then I have to squeeze one in right before the 3 day lapse. I put way too much time into scheduling the showers I take. My hair gets gross and dry if I wash it more than that.
  8. I hate showering. I don't think it feels "sensual". I think it feels wet. I think it's uncomfortable to be damp. I have thick hair - it takes over 3 hours sometimes to completely air-dry. I refuse to blow-dry my hair. Half of the time, it only takes me three minutes to get ready for work. The other half, I have to shower.
  9. Sometimes, in those three minutes, I forget to look in the mirror, and then I panic on the drive to work.
  10. I have an unnatural fear of becoming paralyzed.
  11. My In-Laws have yet to meet my parents. My parents would love my in-laws. And vice-versa.
  12. I knit. My husband thinks it's funny that he's married to a knitter.
  13. My husband only dated brazen hussies before he met me.
  14. Except for the ex-girlfriends that read this blog.
  15. I love cotton candy. I will pay unrealistic sums of cash for cotton candy ice cream. I once spent a year of my life actively searching for that ice cream. Admittedly, this was in high school, when I didn't really have anything else to do with my time and money. If you know where to find this ice cream and haven't told me yet, now's your chance.
  16. Like this blogger, when I was a little girl, I kept all of my stuffed animals in my bed with me when I slept . I didn't want any of them to know I had a favorite. I can't even bring myself to tell you now which one was my favorite.
  17. I had the first dream I remember when I was three years old. It involved me sleeping in my bed, waking up and sitting up, only to see a forked twig flying end over end at my face.
  18. It was way freakier than it sounds.
  19. When I was living in Minneapolis, my (ex)boyfriend and I had an apartment that was haunted. We heard things banging around in our closets while we were trying to sleep, only to open the doors and see nothing changed at all, and one time I was sleeping, and Sam went to take a piss, heard me get up, walk into the kitchen, and open a cupboard door. He came back into the bedroom, woke me from a sound sleep, and asked me what I was doing in the kitchen. We figured out that whoever it was was in the cupboard that held only Halloween candy. We're convinced it was a child ghost. One time, we came home from school to find an answering machine message that was completely unintelligable, except for the last word, which was a very cheerful "Bye!" I'd do an audiopost of (my impression of) the message, but it's still too freaky to commit to tape.
  20. When I was younger, I stole a Ken doll from a neighbor girl. Ken was missing a leg and had a deep gouge across his stomach. I pretended he was "War Veteran Ken". He always got the girl.
  21. My brother used to play barbies with me and my friends, and he had his own baby doll named Jamie when he was 3.
  22. I think I always knew he was gay.
  23. We used to wait until our parents were sleeping, and then he'd sneak into my big double bed, because we were both scared of the monsters underneath. We comfort each other to this day. (Though not by sleeping together.)
  24. My Mom and Dad told me and my brother they loved us every single day, at least once a day.
  25. We also had a ritual involving the turning out of the lights. Our bedrooms were on the second floor of a very old house - you have to walk through my brother's room to get to mine - and there is a light switch for Robby's room at the bottom of the steps. When we went to bed and got all snuggly, we would yell, "Ready!" and one of our parents would turn out the lights for us. Then we would say, "Good night! Sleep tight! Don't let the bedbugs bite!"
  26. I was unreasonably freaked out when I found out there are, in fact, real bedbugs.
  27. My brother came out to me during a car ride. He was driving us home from a family function, and figured there was no way I would walk away from the conversation. He decided that to make me more comfortable, he would tell me he was Bi. I, having decided long before that that he must be gay, was decidedly uncomfortable with the idea of him having to put up with both sexes. I said, and I quote, "Oh."
  28. My longest stretch of being single was 2002-2004. I don't count the two mini-relationships I had in-between, because they sucked and stressed me out. I finally got to the point where I decided that if I didn't get married, I'd be fine with it. I would get some pets. I know how to find free porn online. That's when I met my husband.
  29. I've never slept with someone I wasn't in love with. I fall in love very easily. I've been in love many, many times. I've only slept with 6 people. If you were hoping to sleep with me, you're out of luck. You lost your window of opportunity.
  30. My husband has slept with considerably more women than I've slept with men. Surprisingly, I find this arousing. He's one sexy bitch.
  31. I once flew to Toronto on someone else's dollar to meet people I'd only spoken to in Yahoo! Chat. I won't be surprised if that's one of the things I remain the most proud of as long as I live. It was totally worth it.
  32. For almost an entire year, the only guys who would even look at me twice were married. Once I clued in to this, I was very selective about the guys who hit on me. To the point of paranoia. Usually well-founded paranoia, as the guy(s) were always, inevitably married (during that year).
  33. It made me unseasonably paranoid with no foundation for the next few years.
  34. When I was 22, I was involved with a band called Stillife. Literally. I've been the groupie of a band. Bet you didn't know that about me!
  35. The first concert I went to was with Marybeth Stapleton the summer after fourth grade. New Kids On The Block.
  36. The second concert I went to was Barenaked Ladies in Minneapolis, Minnesota. That concert was much better (musically and socially), even though it had less of the immature pre-teen screaming.
  37. My husband wishes to take me to more concerts than I believe I have time for in my life, and I guess I'm ok with that.
  38. I just ordered a pizza, and I'm afraid I'll pass out before it gets here.
  39. I'm a pharmacy technician, but I hope to be more than that someday.
  40. Not a pharmacist.
  41. I'm easily bored.
  42. I've had more jobs than years of life.
  43. I once knew a cat named Olaf.
  44. I have a weakness for books of the Bridget Jones genre. Especially if they're written by women in England.
  45. I love Simon and Garfunkel.
  46. Everyone in my immediate family is at least 8 inches taller than I am. Including my half-sister.
  47. Oh, did I mention I have a half-sister?
  48. Her name is Rachel, and my mom had her when she was 19. She gave her up for adoption.
  49. I'm very proud of my mom.
  50. Bruce thinks I have too much yarn. I worry that I'll never have enough.
  51. Robby is 5 years younger than me.
  52. I remember staying with my Grandma while my mom went to the hospital. I remember her telling me that mom would be in the hospital for three days. I remember coming home and finding my mom on the couch looking tired. There was a crib in the house. That's about all I remember. Fascinating, right?
  53. When I was younger, and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles first became really popular, I really liked them. It's possible that Robby liked them more, but I think he had a crush on Donatello.
  54. For a long, long time, I thought that there were five Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and I vehemently stated this fact to everyone I had occasion to.. state the fact to. Their names were Donatello, Michaelangelo, Raphael, Leonardo, and Deonardo.
  55. But it was hard to tell him from Michaelangelo, because he wore an orange eyemask, too.I know, how stupid, right? But I was CONVINCED.
  56. This is my wedding ring. I thought it was lost for almost a month, but it turns out that there IS a reason not to vacuum. It was lying in the middle of the floor in the office. And here I thought we were headed straight for D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Kidding! Actually, if that were the case, then Bruce would have been totally screwed when he lost his wedding ring five months ago, drunk on the Current River in southeastern Missouri ON MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY. On my BIRTHDAY. Did I mention that?
  57. He claims that didn't count, because he lost it in the line of duty, saving my life and all. I know better. He was drunk and flipped our canoe six times in succession. (Although I fully admit to being drunk as well, I have perfect balance when inebriated. It could not have been my fault.) Sometime during all the almost-drowningness, he lost his ring. He didn't even realize it for about a half an hour. Some line of duty, eh?
  58. I have a cousin whom I admire very much. She always seemed like a perfect person to me. She's tall and slender with red hair and everyone loves her. I wanted to be her when I was little.
  59. This is impossible. I am 5'2 and sturdily built. My hair only turns red after a bad accident with cheap hair dye.
  60. My cousin Michelle is a winker. I noticed at some point in 2004 that I am also a winker. I wink at everyone. I've probably winked at you. I only noticed myself doing that when my customers started winking at me. I thought they were freaks for a little while. Then I realized they were winking back, and I was embarassed.
  61. I still wink at everybody.
  62. I have a manly handshake.
  63. I can hold my liquor.
  64. People who've been drunk around me may or may not agree with that statement.
  65. One time, Lisa and I were at a bar, and I was trying to talk to a guy. This guy was much more drunk than us, and insisted upon buying us tequilla shots before we'd finished our first drink(s). I took the shot and realized I had none of my drink left for a chaser. Lisa kindly offered me her drink for a sip, and when I took it, I got a mouth full of tequilla and almost puked all over the guy I was lusting after. She'd spit her shot into her drink, because she couldn't handle swallowing it.
  66. I love Buffy.
  67. I have RA.
  68. My uncle Bob has RA, as well. When he was my age, some days he couldn't get out of bed, because it was so painful for him. Mine isn't that bad. *knocks wood* Studies are inconclusive as to whether it's an inherited disease.
  69. I have a cat. I got him for Christmas in 2004. His name is Linus. Sometimes he's a nice cat, and more often he's a bitch. I adore him. He was born on November 24th, 2004. His mom died when he was only 5 weeks old, and we picked him up the week after. He'd been cared for by a giant mastiff and some people. I blame a lot of his social inadequacies on his sad motherless weeks. They say that during weeks 4-8, the mother cat teaches the kittens about how to be good socially-adept cats. I have to believe this, because I refuse to think it's my fault he is the way he is.
  70. Bruce and I met online, on OkCupid. Despite the fact that we got married less than a year after meeting, I feel like we know each other better than most couples who have been married for longer. We literally talked for months before we met.
  71. I have normal-length legs, despite being only 5'2. I measured them once, against my ex-best-friend, who was 5'7. Our legs were the same length. This means that I have an EXTREMELY short torso.
  72. My body-length, from armpit to crotch, is aproximately 6 inches. This explains why I have no waist. Who has time for a waist if they've got to put it in 6 inches?
  73. We have a Bassett hound. We got him for our first anniversary, and he was born on March 11, 2006. His name is Huckleberry (Hound), and he's just the cutest thing on four legs. I would protest that actually, he was the second or at least equally-partnered cutest thing on four legs, but really, Linus looks sort of funny. He's very cute for a cat, but he's got a really long nose, and his head is very disproportionate to his body. Linus looks vaguely "breathtaking". Huck is adorable.
  74. I still think my dad is capable of anything.
  75. My best friend is one of the bravest people I know.
  76. I love boxed wine. Sunset Blush is my favorite, because it has fewer calories than Delicious Red. If you know that they come from different manufacturers, we can probably be the bestest of friends.